Addiction and Relationships: The Hard Truth About the Impact of Addiction

Common Warning Signs & Behaviors Seen in Relationships Affected by a Substance Use Disorder

Secrecy

If your partner begins to use drugs or alcohol excessively, they may not be open about it in the beginning. They may feel guilt, shame, and fear of judgment. If they feel that others won’t support them or understand their situation, they can turn to secrecy. They may lie to their loved ones about:

• • Who they are with
  • Where they are
  • Why they’re behaving differently
  • The events of the day
  • Why money is missing

It’s possible that secrecy will increase until the person is in complete isolation—distancing themselves from everyone they love. Secrecy can ruin relationships. This puts an immense strain on any romantic or other personal relationship. 

Differences Between Fact and Fiction

With secrecy comes increased lying and deception, so it’s only a matter of time until a loved one begins to notice the differences between fact and fiction. 

If your partner is lying about abusing drugs, it’s understandable to form trust issues due to the perceived lack of respect, honesty, and dedication from your partner.

Even in a healthy relationship, honesty and trust are key. Reduced trust usually leads to other issues such as anger, jealousy, fear, and resentment.

Anger and Violence

As a relationship deteriorates due to drug and alcohol abuse, anger and violence often emerge as concerns. Frustrations are high—even more so if someone is using a substance known to cause aggression. These situations become dangerous fairly quickly.

If you live with an addict, you’re at greater risk of victimization. You may experience an increase in frustration that leads you to express anger or act out violently against your partner. 

It’s important that anyone experiencing domestic violence in their relationship contacts a domestic violence hotline. 

Enabling

Sometimes loved ones will transition into an enabler when trying to help their loved one recover from substance abuse. 

Enabling behaviors include: 

• • • Accepting blame
    • Making excuses
    • Taking on responsibility for the behaviors, feelings, and actions of your addicted loved one
    • Working hard to minimize their negative consequences

An example of enabling is offering money to the user on a consistent basis that they can use to buy drugs. He or she may ask for money for bills, gas, or groceries, but the money goes to drugs. Often, the loved one provides the money anyway, but they must draw a line to get the attention of a loved one who is addicted to drugs.

Codependency

Codependency is similar to enabling, but codependent individuals often get involved in relationships that are one-sided. They may feel overwhelmed by their partner’s needs but have an overwhelming sense to take care of that person.

Codependent People:

• • • • Are willing to compromise their own wants, needs, and beliefs to keep their significant other or loved one calm and content
      • Control others because they don’t think they can function independently without them
      • Are very cautious and aware of the emotional changes of others
      • Maintain commitment and loyalty to their loved one despite a lack of reciprocation
      • A codependent person needs the substance abuser as much as the addict needs the codependent. 

Their entire identity may become consumed by the feeling to serve or sacrifice for their partner while acting to fulfill their own needs for attachment and closeness. 

Codependent relationships often walk hand-in-hand with enablement—as the caretaker will often try to cover for the addict or resolve their issues instead of allowing their loved ones to face the consequences of their actions.

Not all couples will show these warning signs, but if one of them is present in your marriage or relationship, it may be time to consider ways to make the relationship better. 

In most cases, drinking and drug use must stop to identify and address the problems within the relationship. You may think these issues will resolve themselves over time, but that’s rarely the case. The best thing to do is to get treatment for your loved one as soon as possible, or at least contact a recovery center to discuss how they may be able to help. 

Increased irritability and mood swings

When someone is battling with addiction, they may experience intense emotions that are difficult to manage, resulting in mood swings and irritability. These emotional changes can affect the relationship, causing tension, arguments, and verbal or physical abuse.