When we talk about addiction, we often focus on the individual struggling with substance use. But the reality is that addiction is a family disease that affects everyone in its orbit. Chronic relapse, a pattern of repeated attempts at sobriety followed by returns to substance use, can be particularly devastating to relationships.
As someone who’s worked closely with families affected by addiction, I know well how chronic relapse can strain, damage, and sometimes destroy the bonds between people who care deeply for one another.
Identifying the Pattern of Chronic Relapse
To grasp the impact of addiction & chronic relapse on relationships, let’s begin with a quick summary of what an advancing addiction looks like.
The advancement of addiction often proceeds like so:
- Initial use
- Abuse
- Tolerance
- Dependence
- Addiction
- Attempts at recovery
- Relapse
In chronic relapse, this pattern ends – and begins again – several times over. Each time, it chips away at the trust, patience, and hope of those surrounding the addicted individual. The person struggling with addiction may sincerely want to change, but finds themselves trapped in a pattern they can’t seem to break.
Collateral Damage: Relationships Affected by Chronic Relapse
Chronic relapse leaves a trail of damaged relationships in its wake. The consequences are exacerbated for more intimate or close relationships like family.
Some of the most common damage we see with relationships after long-standing addiction:
- Trust Issues: Repeated broken promises and dishonesty erode trust over time.
- Communication Breakdown: Open, honest dialogue becomes increasingly difficult.
Emotional Distance: Family members and friends may withdraw to protect themselves from pain. - Financial Strain: The economic toll of addiction can create resentment and stress.
- Codependency: Loved ones may become overly involved in trying to “fix” the addicted individual.
These signs often manifest differently depending on the specific relationship. For example, in a romantic partnership, chronic relapse might lead to intimacy issues or infidelity. In a parent-child relationship, it could result in role reversal, with the child taking on adult responsibilities.
The Family’s Role in Enabling Chronic Relapse
It’s crucial to recognize that families often play an unintentional role in perpetuating the cycle of chronic relapse. This isn’t about placing blame – it’s about understanding the complex dynamics at play when you love someone who is struggling.
Enabling behaviors are common in families dealing with addiction:
- Making excuses for the addicted individual’s behavior
- Covering up or hiding the addiction from others
- Providing financial support that fuels substance use
- Taking over responsibilities the addicted person has neglected
While these actions often come from a place of love and a desire to help, they can inadvertently reinforce the addiction. It’s a painful truth that many families struggle to accept.
Impact on Different Types of Relationships
Of course there are relationships beyond the family that are damaged by the chaotic behaviors that accompany chronic addiction. Chronic relapse doesn’t discriminate – it affects families, romantic partners, close friendships, and professional life.
Family Relationships
- Parents may feel they’ve failed their child
- Siblings might resent the attention given to the addicted individual
- Extended family members may distance themselves
Romantic Partnerships
- Trust and intimacy often suffer the most
- The non-addicted partner may struggle with codependency
- The relationship may become defined by the addiction
Friendships
- Friends may feel used or manipulated
- The addicted individual might isolate themselves
- Long-standing friendships can deteriorate rapidly
Professional Relationships
- Job performance typically suffers
- Colleagues may lose respect for the addicted individual
- Career opportunities can be lost due to unreliability
Taking Steps Toward Recovery & Repairing Relationships
While chronic relapse can cause significant damage to relationships, there is hope for healing. Sometimes it takes time – even years – for the damage to heal, and even then it may leave scars. But I’ve seen families come together again after long-term treatment at Burning Tree Ranch.
1) Seek Professional Help
Burning Tree specializes in treating chronic relapse, which really caters to the most complex and high-stakes addiction. However, it’s critical to involve a professional early in addiction, if possible, to help diagnose and treat the individual on multiple levels. We prefer to use a dual diagnosis approach to identify and treat underlying mental health conditions contributing to addiction. Both addicted individuals and their loved ones can benefit from professional help.
2) Set Firm Boundaries
Clear, firm boundaries are essential for protecting the well-being of all involved. When we love someone, we want to minimize their pain and maximize their comfort in hopes that this will bring them to a place where they can pursue recovery on their terms. Unfortunately, this more often leads to unintentional enabling behaviors that downplay the consequences of the addiction. It is absolutely possible to love your addict or alcoholic while reinforcing boundaries.
3) Rebuild Trust
This is a gradual process that requires consistency and patience. Chronic relapse often causes damage over years, and repairing that damage can take just as long. Trust is eroded slowly over time, and rebuilding trust requires us to replace one block at a time through our real-life actions and behaviors.
4) Engage in Family Therapy
I’m a firm believer that addiction is a family disease. This is a belief that is supported by my personal experience and years of working with families in addiction. It’s a big part of why our recovery programs at Burning Tree emphasize the family dynamic. Working together with a therapist helps attain a better understanding of addiction as a disease, address underlying issues in the family, and improve communication.
5) Join Support Groups
We often get some resistance from families and loved ones when we encourage them to join and participate in support groups like Al-Anon. The independent experience of group work through these programs almost always leads to more empathetic, patient, and realistic perspectives that help repair relationships over time.
The Importance of Long-Term Treatment for Chronic Relapse
In my experience, long-term treatment is often the key to breaking the cycle of chronic relapse. Short-term programs may provide temporary relief, but they rarely address the deep-rooted issues that fuel chronic relapse.
What Does it Mean to Undergo Long-Term Treatment?
Burning Tree is the Nation’s only authentic long-term treatment provider specializing in the treatment of chronic relapse. We address life and death matters as they relate to chronic addiction and mental health.
- Focus On Identifying Complex Emotional And Mental Health Disorders
- Emphasis On Treating Advanced Stages of Addiction And Relapse
- Multi-Phased Long-Term Continuum Aimed At Permanent Recovery
- Concentration On Dynamic Behavioral, Attitudinal, and Personality Change
- Treatment Duration Informed By Measurable, Provable Progress - Not Time
The families and alumni of Burning Tree Ranch have seen for themselves how long-term treatment acts as a transformative catalyst in recovery from chronic relapse. Our program is designed to not only help individuals achieve sobriety but also to rebuild their lives and relationships.
The journey of recovery from chronic relapse is not easy, but it’s incredibly worthwhile. I’ve witnessed families come to us feeling hopeless and leave with renewed bonds and a shared commitment to healing. It’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the strength of our shared experience with families and loved ones.
If you’re dealing with chronic relapse in your family, know that you’re not alone.
Until next time,
Brook
