Entitlement in addiction is a tricky beast. It’s not always obvious, but its impact on recovery can be devastating. We treat a lot of different kinds of mental health disorders at Burning Tree Ranch, and so I’ve watched countless individuals struggle with this mindset. Usually, they don’t even realize how it undermines their efforts to get sober. It’s a self-defeating behavior that also tends to push away others that might try to offer us help.
This pattern is common enough that I want to take a deeper look at what entitlement is like in the context of chronic addiction and substance use disorders.
The Roots of Entitlement in Addiction
Entitlement in addiction isn’t just about being spoiled or demanding. It’s a complex psychological mechanism that often serves as a shield against the harsh realities of addiction.
Some common origins of entitlement in addiction include:
- Highly indulgent parenting styles
- Traumatic experiences leading to a “the world owes me” mentality
- The ego-inflating effects of certain substances
- Underlying personality disorders
Whatever its source, entitlement becomes a barrier to genuine self-reflection and change.
What it Looks Like: Sense of Privilege and Inflated Self-Importance
While it may seem like these behaviors are easy to spot, the reality is that we often have blinders on when it comes to people we really care about. We’re more likely to embrace normalcy bias and enabling behaviors without realizing it.
Here are some guideposts you might watch for:
- Expectation of preferential treatment
- Difficulty accepting ‘no’ as an answer
- Consistent blame-shifting
- Minimizing the impact and consequences of their substance use
- Resistance to treatment rules and structure
- Financially wasteful or spends excessively, with the expectation of bailouts
Allow me to give an example: I once worked with a client who exemplified many of these traits. Let’s call him Tom.
Tom would routinely show up late to group sessions, expecting us to recap what he’d missed. He’d complain about the food, the facility, and the schedule, despite being in a high quality program. When confronted about his behavior, he’d become defensive, insisting his circumstances were different from other participants of the program. He claimed he was being set-up, singled out, and personally attacked.
Unfortunately, Tom left the program before it was completed.
How Entitlement Sabotages Recovery For Self and Others
I don’t know anybody that thinks an unrealistic self-entitlement is a desirable trait in others. But beyond being socially abrasive, an individual with an overinflated ego is sabotaging the recovery process for themselves and others.
It Blocks Genuine Self-Reflection
When individuals feel entitled, they often struggle to look at themselves honestly. This sense of being owed something creates a massive barrier to observing our own mistakes objectively, which prevents us from taking personal accountability for our actions and facing their consequences.
It Undermines Humility
Entitlement stands in direct opposition to the humility that forms the cornerstone of many recovery programs. This inflated sense of self-importance can make it difficult for individuals to admit they need help or to fully engage with the recovery process, hindering their progress and growth.
It Strains Crucial Support Relationships
Entitled behavior often pushes away the very people whose support is vital for recovery. Family members, friends, and even treatment professionals may find it challenging to maintain healthy, supportive relationships with someone who consistently displays entitled attitudes, potentially leaving the individual isolated in their struggle.
It Increases the Risk of Relapse by Blocking Growth.
When someone feels entitled, they’re less likely to put in the hard work of developing new, healthier ways to cope with life’s challenges. Instead, they may continue to rely on substance use as their primary coping strategy, significantly increasing their risk of relapse when faced with stress or adversity.
Breaking Through: Strategies for Responding to a Sense of Entitlement
Finding an effective way to respond to a sense of entitlement can be frustrating, even for treatment professionals. It’s a deeply ingrained mindset that often serves as a defense mechanism.
The first step is often the hardest: helping them develop an awareness of their own attitudes and behaviors.
One way we approach that is to repeatedly expose individuals to how their entitlement affects those around them. This helps redirect the internal monologue to include others. Sometimes, hearing from family members in a structured, therapeutic setting can be a wake-up call.
If you’re dealing with an entitled loved one in the throes of addiction, consider a different approach:
- Set clear, consistent boundaries
- Allow natural consequences to occur
- Practice detachment with love
- Encourage accountability
- Model gratitude in your own life
- Consult a treatment professional that specializes in addiction medicine
- Seek support for yourself through groups like Al-Anon or family therapy
Professional Treatment Approaches
These kinds of deep behaviors are often resistant to normal communication, even when approached with compassion. Sometimes it helps to involve professionals, especially when there is a substance abuse issue.
Professional treatment may include various forms of therapy:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
- Group therapy
- Family therapy
- Long-term, progress-based treatment programs
Speaking for Burning Tree Ranch, we firmly believe in placing an emphasis on individual progress throughout a treatment episode as opposed to arbitrary timelines. Allowing for the time necessary to overcome these difficult attitudes is important for realistic and lasting growth. In a progress-based treatment setting, individuals only advance through the phases of treatment by demonstrating actual changes in behavior and attitude.
The Journey Beyond Entitlement
We’re always calling the recovery process a “journey.” It’s a fitting term because this type of change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s an ongoing process, even after a professional treatment episode. We often remind the families we work with that the self destructive behaviors they see in their loved ones are deeply ingrained. They are the result of years, even decades, of repeated patterns of behavior together with substance abuse.
Some aspects of recovery that help foster a shift in perspective:
- Cultivating genuine gratitude
- Developing empathy
- Building authentic self-esteem
- Embracing humility
These aspects are inherently at odds with self-centeredness. For Burning Tree, we view recovery as much more than getting and staying sober. It is also about personal growth and how we can build foundations for a more fulfilling life.
At Burning Tree Ranch, we specialize in working with chronic relapsers, including those grappling with personality disorders, narcissism, and self-entitlement. Our approach involves not just the individual in recovery, but their entire family system.
If you’re struggling with these issues, please reach out to us for help, especially if the pattern of addiction and relapse has been a long-lasting struggle. While we specialize in advanced cases of chronic addiction, we have plenty of resources to help guide your unique recovery journey. With the right help, these are challenges that can be overcome.
Until next time,
Brook
